Love you Jet Jet

You know I'm not really good with words, that includes birthday wishes. And that's mainly why I am writing this on my blog. I know you will read this, because I know you very well. Even sometimes you act like you don't, I know you do. Because you're a stalker brat, okay kidding. First of all, I wanna say sorry that I'm posting this instead of telling you in person, it's just not easy for me. And I don't think this blog of mine have so much readers, which is safe for me to further this post. I know I could just text or call you but I've hurt you so much already.

I never told you but I love your presence. In fact, I feel like telling every single person in the world about you. Beside my girl best friends, you are the closest person to me. You know everything about me. I think nobody has ever known me as much as you do, and even if I always screw up, you would always be there when I need you. It's like you're my savior, of course, you are.

I like it when you play with my fingers, and you will literally complain about how rough my hand is since all of your sisters have milky smooth hands, not like me. You will refuse to the excuse of me washing the dishes and stuff, because you believe in the idea of wearing gloves when everyone gets near the sink. I like it that we can call each other with harsh names, especially when I can slap you whenever you call me fat. And when I sulk, you will buy me stuffs. I rejected them so many times because I felt bad, though I secretly liked it. And I'm sorry that there were times I said the dishes you cooked tasted really bad, actually no, it wasn't true. You cook like Gordon Ramsay, though I've never tasted his dishes, I'm sure you're just as amazing as him.

If no one stops me now, you'll be reading this until page 3. Thank you so much for sticking with me when everybody else leaves, thank you for everything. And yes, I'm really sorry I can't give any answers for now, it's still too early. Even if you're willing to wait. Thanks for understanding. Happy Birthday my friend, have a great day. And trust me, you're the handsome-est guy for today(since it's your special day)

Ain't a robot

If someone comes and asks me "How are you doing?" I will probably reply, "Except for picking up all the broken pieces of my soul, yeah I'm doing good."

Heartbreaks are pretty normal they say. It's true. But the process of surviving are not as simple as what they thought. Everyday I wake up in the morning, just to feel the rising pain in my chest. It's like a lava, going to explode but it won't come out yet. It accumulates in your heart, makes you feel breathless. I wonder if taking Gaviscon would relieve the pain, you know, like on the tvs and stuff. But surely it won't work, ay?

I feel so tired. Exhausted actually. Sometimes I wish my mind can stop thinking about all those crappy things. Regrets, lies, hatreds, jerks. Because reality is reality, and I have to live through all the ugly truths. The more you run, the nearer they get. So why bother running? Although the feeling is inevitable and you wish you can immediately get on a flight to Hawaii, so then you can leave all the mess behind, it's still not going to erase the thoughts from your mind. Even when your mind gets clear, it's still not going to reduce the pains in your heart. So let's face it, I can't go to Hawaii. Ha-ha

It feels weird in a way that I'm still feeling half-relaxed and still sitting on my comfy chair, doing absolutely nothing even when being lied and disrespected. I have to admit, dealing with heartbreak is hard, but dealing with the urge to strangle someone is even harder. I guess I've become wiser. Although it's tough for me to accept the facts with alacrity, the whole experience has opened my eyes and made me realized that life as we know it, is challenging. And that's what makes you a stronger human being. I hope so.